Verbal Communication

Language is powerful. It can trigger an emotional response in you and in others. Language choices made with increased awareness and skills have a positive effect on communication.

Let’s just look at one word. When we use the word ‘problem’, this could conjure up the following image:

Instead, of ‘problem’, we could choose the word ‘challenge’ to describe the same situation, and a very different image will surface:

Clearly, our choice of the word ‘challenge’ will elicit a more positive and motivating response. What a difference with just one word!

When considering verbal communication, it is important to recognize that words offer just a model, a symbol of one’s experience; words alone can never fully describe the whole picture, they are like the tip of the iceberg providing only the surface structure of our language. Underneath this tip, lies the rest of the meaning.

AOC teaches you to use the Meta Model as an effective tool to get from the surface structure to the deeper meanings of words. This model offers a series of questions which help us gather more information in order to define a clear picture of what is really meant. Vague comments such as: “She is upset” can be followed with the question: “How do you know she is upset?” Or, “Change is easy.” Leads to the response: “Changing what is easy?” “This is not the way to do it.” Response: “What specifically is not the way to do what?” This model also makes us aware that there exists a shortage of information, and that we tend to assume we know what the other person means, when, perhaps we do not.

Conversely, when language construction is intentionally and artfully vague, your listener is free to take what he needs from your words, in a way that is most appropriate for him. Listeners  are then allowed – even forced – to explore different possibilities, to discover more empowering ways of acting, to think more clearly, to find a more resourceful state. This is known as the Milton Model, and it is the reverse of the Meta Model. Using the Milton Model AOC will teach you to use language that can be interpreted widely, when this is desired. The Milton Model aims to rise above the detail. The goal here is to be thoughtfully vague in order to allow the listener to explore. Examples of this language: “We can work things out somehow.” “It can only get better.” “There are ways to find solutions.” “Everyone enjoys this.” “You notice what you are thinking.”